Things have been crazy since I’ve been home, and I’m really glad that I’m back. Working at a bakery is still food service, but it’s so much better than fast food. And it has been nice to see family and friends, and to be back with my dog. It has been raining most of the time that I’ve been back, but that has been a nice change from the mid to high 90’s that I left behind in Tucson. It was shocking to go from the 90’s to the 60’s, but the weather is steadily improving, so no complaints here.
It’s so green in Michigan that it was a shock to come home at first. Even when it’s dark and rainy, everything is so much brighter than it is in Tucson. Getting outside is also easier, since it isn’t boiling hot outside. We went on the boat yesterday and it was so beautiful.
Jon is in town and it has been really fun showing him around the city and exploring with him. I’ve enjoyed showing him my favorite places and going places that I haven’t really been before. It’s a nice change to the normal routine that I’ve had here in the past. It also means that I’ve been taking a break from my laptop, so I haven’t really been keeping up with my blog or anything. He has had the chance to meet a lot of my family over the weekend, and it’s been great to see them and to introduce him to them. I’m glad that they get along and everyone kept telling me how much they like him. He even made his famous fried chicken and BBQ sauce after graduation yesterday and it was great.
With all but one exam left, I’m really looking forward to heading home for three months, and to get out of the desert for a while.
This past week was eventful, and we spent a lot of time outside of the apartment. Jon graduated on Friday, and we spent most of the week and weekend with his family. It was great to see them again, especially since I probably won’t be able to visit California this summer. We went to see Biosphere 2, the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, and the best BBQ joint in Tucson. It was a great weekend, and a great way to wrap up my time in Tucson for the time being.
This week I still have to do some cleaning, organizing and packing for the trip home, and hopefully there will be some time to work on some crafting or something, but we’ll see. Thankfully I have had time to take photos the past few weeks, which has been nice, so I’m just catching up on editing those, and hopefully I can get some more before I leave.
Finally I have a week to spend time relaxing. I feel like I’m constantly working or in class or working on homework. I still have class this week and exams, a few papers to write and several projects, but with the week off of work, I’m feeling really good about this week.
I’m hoping to go for a hike this weekend, but if not I have a lot of small projects around the house that I’ve been putting off, so I’m looking forward to checking those off of my list.
I’m really looking forward to heading back to Michigan. It’ll be really nice to spend time with my family, my dog, and to be near the water again.
Today Jon and I went for a hike along a trail near our apartment. The weather today is really nice, mid-80s and breezy. We didn’t hike very far, only about 4 miles in and back, but it was a nice! There is a really neat stone house along the trail where we stopped. That was our turn around point. I’m still feeling sick from last Sunday, but the exercise felt really great, and it was nice to spend some time in the sun.
One of my biggest regrets is that I haven’t hiked a lot while I’ve been living in Tucson. I didn’t realize that there were so many different trails near my apartment. It’s so nice to get the chance to explore this beautiful place, and spend some time with nature. Today was a really good day.
It’s safe to say that for the past 5 years sleep has been one of the things that I struggle with the most. Due in part to a highly active brain, and lack of regular physical exercise, it’s really no surprise that falling asleep at night is something that I have trouble with. I go through periods of great sleep, and then terrible sleep, with the occasional night where I don’t get any sleep at all, and after 4 hours of restless tossing and turning, I turn to my trusty companion Netflix to fill the rest of the night.
This is why the past 10 days have been so infuriating for me. I’ve exercised 7 out of 10 days, and worked for 6 of them. So why is it taking me 2+ hours to fall asleep at night? This remains a mystery, but I am determined to fix the problem. I usually go to bed between 10:30 and 11:30 p. m., and wake up between 7:00 and 8:30 a.m. And I’ve heard that having a regular sleep schedule is one way to help improve sleep quality. Last night, even though it took me 2 hours to fall asleep, I was able to stay asleep for the majority of the night, so even though I got probably 6 hours total, I still woke up more refreshed than I have in over a week.
I’ve decided to set up a little experiment, partially inspired by advice from my mom. Tonight I will follow my typical nightly routine to the letter, except that I won’t eat a snack after dinner like I usually do (usually between 7:30 and 8:00). Tomorrow we’ll see how it goes, and add in “no screens 2 hours before bed time.” And then I’ll see what happens from there, if I need to work out for more than 30 minutes a day, or if I should shoot for 30 minutes twice a day. Since my nighty routine is pretty much the same every night, it’s really hard for me to understand why I can fall asleep in under 30 minutes one night, after playing games on my phone right up until I’m ready for bed, and then the next night I do the same thing and it takes me 2 hours to fall asleep.
I tried and failed to keep up with a blog beginning in January. What started as an experiment to transition into Veganism changed so drastically that I decided to start over fresh. I came to realize that I wanted to be Vegan for the wrong reason. I thought that by being vegan, I would feel better about myself, that my depression would get easier to deal with, that I would lose weight without even trying. But those things weren’t what drew me to veganism in the first place. So now, three months later, I’m starting over. After taking a step back, I’ve come to terms with the fact that changing one thing isn’t going to suddenly make my life perfect like I had hoped that becoming vegan would do. Instead of changing my diet completely, I’m starting even slower, by working on my physical fitness and mental health first.
I think that what it really comes down to is that I’m still trying to figure out who I am and what I really want from life. What I want the most right now is to be happy with who I am. Right now, I’m working out 5-6 days a week, and focusing on positive thinking. It’s been a year long struggle to try and change things, but I hope that I can finally find the motivation to improve things. I’ve compiled a list of small things that I want to do every day (*) and at least once every week (~) to work on slowing my brain down and finding moments of joy.
* Read at least one chapter of a book for fun
~Go for a hike
~Watch the sunset
Change is hard. Remembering to blog is hard. Its the small things that I tend to forget when I’m busy working and going to class. I don’t want to keep overlooking the things that bring me joy, or the people who make me happy. And so that’s what this blog is about. Not about transitioning to becoming a vegan. This blog is my personal journey to recovering from my depression and anxiety, and finding happiness and a balanced life.